Indecision
by That Sunflower Chick
Summary: Karai reflects on her relationship with Leo. Also- why does the series say Leo uses katana? A katana has a curved blade and a small thumb guard at the top of the hilt. His swords look like ninjato, which have straight blades and large square thumb guards... and wouldn't it make sense that a ninja would have ninja swords? Just sayin... I don't own TMNT.


Karai held her breath in the dark. She heard her father calling her, growing angrier, eventually screaming her name. The shriek of blades on metal rang out, a sound she was too familiar with. He would give up looking for her eventually, she knew, the same as he always did, and leave to go abuse his henchmen. She stayed in her hiding place until she was sure he was gone, smirking because he'd taught her those very skills and now she was using them against him. She didn't want to deal with him tonight, whatever he wanted. She needed to be alone. She needed to think—and to write.

Running along rooftops above the blackened city, Karai escaped her father's headquarters and raced to her current favorite spot—she had to keep choosing new ones to keep her father from finding her—the top of an abandoned warehouse in Queens. Sirens wailed below, but Karai ignored them, as always. She was _shinobi_, she was _kunoichi_, she was ninja. The cops would never catch her, and they were probably after some run-of-the-mill criminal anyway. High above the city, she was immune to the cops and the criminals; hidden, she was immune to her father. She sat cross-legged on a broken air conditioning unit and pulled a treasure from her pocket: a tiny notebook.

She scowled at it for a moment. She wished she could just type in the diary she'd started keeping on her computer, but her father had discovered it and had started checking it constantly. She'd tried going on Twitter, Facebook, keeping a blog, and even tried putting a few fun things on Pinterest; but had given up before long. Her father checked every post, every e-mail, every page, every everything. She felt trapped in a virtual cage with no virtual way out. Soon she'd come up with the idea to go low-tech; she could tuck a tiny notebook and pen away in her shirt. At least her father had never checked there. And if he tried to, she knew she would have to try to kill him.

Opening the tiny book, Karai began to write. Over time, she had trained herself to write in script so small she could hardly read it, allowing herself to get everything out of her head and onto the miniature pages. She had to get everything out. This was her diary, the only place she could be herself.

_June 13__th_, she wrote. _Here again, same rooftop. Stars are out tonight, not storming like last time. The fresh air feels good. Wish it would make these thoughts stop bouncing around in my head. This is driving me crazy. _

_ The only thing I want to know is WHY. Why, Leo? Why did you try so hard, why did you _want _so hard to trust me, and then turn around and stab me in the back when you finally had me on your side, even if it was only for a little while?! _

Karai paused and turned her face to the stars, reflecting. Was it really going to be only for a little while? Is that what she'd really intended? She played the scene again in her mind, the one where Leo and his brothers had used her truce as an opportunity to ambush her father, the one where she'd screamed at him _I thought you were my friend_. Her _friend?_ Was that really what had her so upset? Did she really want Leo as her friend, or something… more?

A late-roosting crow landed near her. She whipped her head to the side and tossed a shuriken at it, missing on purpose, startling it off into the night again.

_You were so different, Leo, or at least that's what I thought. So interesting. A spark of fire in this boring city. You sparked something in me, too, something I thought we could explore together. An adorable idiot, that's what you are. Or were, anyway. Now you're a two-faced jerk with some big blue eyes and a throat I'm going to slice open._

She ended the sentence with a jab so hard her pen nearly pierced the entire notebook. She considered crushing the book to a useless blob in her hands and throwing it over the side of the building, but remembered it was the only thing she had that was truly hers.

Gritting her teeth, Karai continued writing. _Why why why, Leo? Even that pathetic little excuse for a _kunoichi, _that stupid little spoiled brat April O'Neil, has one of you turtle boys. Your brother, the tall one who throws that _bo_ around. I've seen them, more than once, out on the rooftops, talking and snuggling—they even kissed, did you know that? They were focusing on each other like they had nothing to worry about. Really dumb, for a pair of so-called ninja. I could've dropped in on them and killed them both before they even knew what hit them. HOW WOULD YOU LIKE THAT, LEO?_

_ Would you come to me then? Would you whip out your twin _ninjato _and fight me again? Would fury light up your eyes for me while you tried to avenge your brother and that stupid girl everyone's looking for? I want that. I WANT IT. _

But even as she wrote the words, her anger wavered. _Was_ that what she wanted, or did she want to see him smile at her, to see him turn his eyes her way, as blue as an ocean she wanted to sink herself in until she drowned? She stuffed her notebook back into her shirt and held her face in her hands.

The voices made her dart to her feet. She wasn't alone. Someone was out there, and close. Ripping her _tanto_ from its sheath, she stealthed to the edge of the warehouse roof and peered down.

Leonardo stood on the roof of the building nearest the warehouse. His back was turned to her as he looked down at something. In the distance, Karai saw Leo's three brothers hopping ahead to stake out the roofs of other buildings. They were on some mission for their master, Splinter, Karai was sure; but what, she really didn't care. She _did_ care about the fact that Leo was there, alone, and unaware she was practically right behind him.

Karai traced his muscular form in the moonlight. That turtle shell. It would be useless to hit that. Her eyes slid upward, to his neck, to the area just above the top of his shell. A couple of silent jumps and one quick move would put her _tanto_ right there, right where she wanted it, and she would spurt his filthy, backstabbing turtle blood all over the street below. His brothers would never reach him in time. One corner of her lips twisted upward. She raised her _tanto_, prepared to jump.

Leo didn't move, didn't turn at the last second the way she'd expected him to. Karai froze, long knife still raised, and waited another few heartbeats. Leo remained still, focused on whatever he was watching, and Karai wondered again what it was she really wanted—Leo's quick death, Leo fighting against her, or… just… Leo.

Karai bit her lip against a rising scream until she tasted blood, and went home to a restless sleep. In her dreams she dove into a deep blue ocean and drowned, over and over and over.


End file.
